Chappelle's Show: Unaired Season 3 Premiere
Dave Chappelle is one of the greatest comedians of all time, because he makes ministerial and racist comedy done right. In fact, I love his Comedy Central show, Chappelle's Show. His black stereotype riffing and African-American satire are chaotic, intelligent and hilarious; all at once. However, there was a lost Season 3 Halloween episode of the Chappelle's Show that was never aired. The episode that would kick off the Season 3 premiere was supposed to air on October 2005, but since he was unhappy with working with the producers of the show, he moved to Africa. However, he has since restarted his comedy career; and still funny as is; but the episode I'm about to discuss - it will shiver down your pancreas. Viewer discretion is advised... I mean, ADVISED.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want everyone to know that I work at a Randolph's Taco Shop. I had an angry boss yelling at me, mainly because I made the tacos a little disheveled. One day, I had fixed the Doritos and Mountain Dew tacos, until I found under the oven something horrifying... and what could lead to the theories of the end of the world come true. I found a VHS tape of the Lost Episode of the Chappelle's Show. Knowing that I am a fan of said Chappelle's Show, I risked get fired, so I left work early, ran close by to my $90,000 month apartment. I did everything I could. Yep yep. As I put the tape on in the VCR, I got excited. I've been a fan of the Chappelle's Show since it aired on Comedy Central. But this tape was different.
The episode began with a horrifying sketch featuring Dave Chappelle in a black and white photograph, screaming his lungs out. This reminded me of the movie, The Seventh Seal, only a lot,
LOT
more morbid and delusional. This went on for at least 30 seconds and some change before it abruptly cut to the stage of where Chappelle performs. Guys... this was very fucked up is what it is.
The live studio audience appeared to be dogs barking, throwing bones on stage. Chappelle came up to the stage, as he looked a little more angry than usual. He introduces himself, but interrupts himself with a boring monologue about a fat Axl Rose, and how he threatened to sue Google for these images. Oh boy that skit wasn't even funny, yet the audiences were laughing uproariously. I mean it's just the opening monologue, he was preparing after all; but his constant evil grin just makes it more than just menacing. We then cut to the next skit.
The next skit was about Charlie Murphy (Eddie Murphy's brother) talking to Dave Chappelle in a white hair metal band, and there were racist jokes, here and there, some good tasteless jokes. But the next part crawled my spine like a Little Caesars stomach ache. Dave Chappelle brutally beat the shit out of Charlie in the most realistic way possible, and this wasn't scripted either! He said, "I'm not working with you anymore! Fuck that shit! Fuck Comedy Central!" He ripped up his shirt, he beat up the cameras, everything! All this while people were humming the Chappelle's Show theme song. This led to a commercial break.
The final skit was the worst part of them all... Dave Chappelle was seen working for the free mason. He used three shapes to form triangles and conduct a speech about how racism is still going and how Black Lives never mattered. We see Chappelle smoking pounds of crack while holding a ticket to Africa while humming the Toto song, "Africa" in a more twisted way. He laughed viciously accompanied with a wide evil grin. Then the tape stopped. No music video, nothing. It just ends.
I ejected the tape, feeling worried about the world itself! Is this a prank? ...Or is this for real? ...Am I dead inside?
I heard a knock on my window. Dave Chappelle was outside. "I see you've been watching my show, bitch!" said Dave Chappelle. I was scared. I tried to contact the police or hug my teddy bear, Chesterton... but Dave Chappelle came in ruined my couch, by screaming that he was Rick James... then he used triangles to cut off my hand.
Kids, the moral of the story is... don't use crack. It can kill you.
THE END!